Well here we are on day four of the lovely bed rest! I've not lost my mind just yet and seem to be holding up mentally pretty well. Life on bed rest isn't the easiest and I'm finding myself having a hard time sticking to it. I want so bad to just lay here and let this baby use every once of my body and energy to grow bigger and stronger, but I'm also a mother of three other energy filled children and a kinda needy husband. For years I've been the center spoke of the wheel so taking me out of the daily life makes everything difficult.
This whole thing is very much a roller costar! My moods change from one hour to the next. I'm lost on what to do with all the emotions that come with this. Even just trying to write this is showing just how messy my thoughts are. I feel like I can't form a single thought. lol
I've made a few lists of things I need to get done or need to buy before baby that have helped my need to nest. Now resisting the urge to get up and complete those lists seem to be very changeling. For some reason I'm having such a hard time taking bed rest at home serious. I in no way, shape, or form want to do anything to help encourage the delivery of this baby! I get sooo mad at myself for not staying in bed/couch all day. Tonight I will do some snooping around and hope to find a good bed rest blog or community. I just want some support.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Friday, January 30, 2015
Hi I'm Brittni and my cervix sucks
Well I can now say with all the complications that have come up with my fourth(current) pregnancy, that with a very heavy heart we have decided that my body can no longer carry any more children. Its been a deep discussion many time, mostly followed by tears, since I think in a perfect world we would have around 6 kids probably. However, we don't want to continue to gamble and put our family in a position that we end our baby making years in tragedy or turmoil. I know compared to many other women's pregnancy our are a walk in the park and we are extremely grateful for that. With that said sometimes you have to say okay we're blessed beyond our original infertility dreams and lets be thankful for the things we have and lets stop here.
i guess it would be silly to say I'm surprised with the complications that have started to arise, but with Rosalie's(baby#3) pregnancy being so uneventful with no bed rest and carrying to 39.4 Weeks we thought maybe Bentley's prematurity was a fluke, as did the doctors. We never did find a exact reason why I was dilated to 4cm, 50% thinned, with a bulging bag at only 25.5 weeks into his pregnancy. I'm very pleased to have been able to continue to carry him to 33 weeks gestation with the help of hellacious hospital bed res. We consulted numerous doctors before every conceive any children after his birth. All concurred that his complications were most likely rare and my risk of another preemie just slightly higher.
So when we conceived our next child and carried her to full term we thought for sure we were in the clear to safely expand our family to the size our hearts desired. Tho this time around I've truly learned the truth behind the saying that "No two pregnancies are ever exactly the same!!!" I've taken all the same precautions i did with pregnancy with Rose, probably even more so! Sadly its not made a huge impact. Don't get me wrong I am waaaaay better off now than I ever was with Bentley, but everything has now lead to strict bed rest at home. Yea like an OCD mother of 3 and bed rest are BEST of matches in the world. God is so soooo funny. lol I'm really learning and listen to his lesson tho.
i guess it would be silly to say I'm surprised with the complications that have started to arise, but with Rosalie's(baby#3) pregnancy being so uneventful with no bed rest and carrying to 39.4 Weeks we thought maybe Bentley's prematurity was a fluke, as did the doctors. We never did find a exact reason why I was dilated to 4cm, 50% thinned, with a bulging bag at only 25.5 weeks into his pregnancy. I'm very pleased to have been able to continue to carry him to 33 weeks gestation with the help of hellacious hospital bed res. We consulted numerous doctors before every conceive any children after his birth. All concurred that his complications were most likely rare and my risk of another preemie just slightly higher.
So when we conceived our next child and carried her to full term we thought for sure we were in the clear to safely expand our family to the size our hearts desired. Tho this time around I've truly learned the truth behind the saying that "No two pregnancies are ever exactly the same!!!" I've taken all the same precautions i did with pregnancy with Rose, probably even more so! Sadly its not made a huge impact. Don't get me wrong I am waaaaay better off now than I ever was with Bentley, but everything has now lead to strict bed rest at home. Yea like an OCD mother of 3 and bed rest are BEST of matches in the world. God is so soooo funny. lol I'm really learning and listen to his lesson tho.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Red roof inn, we'll leave the light on for ya
So as life would have it we made up our mind about our living situation. We fell in love with a huge gorgeous Victorian home. Started the process of buying it, one important step being selling our current home. As irony would have it that would be a simple 48hr task. Lol With current home sold we forged ahead with paper work, inspections and counting the days till we had our 4,000 sq ft home. Weeks into our journey it all came to a devastating hualt, hours into the home inspection it was discovered the foundation was not structurly sound and riddled with termites.
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, as I felt dazed and confused for that lost of our dream we didn't have time to dwell on it. We HAD to move in a matter of weeks, remember the blessing of selling our home in 48hrs it was now coming back to bite us in the ass.
The entire point of moving was to be closer to family rather it was to Trenton or ohio we just want to have this amazing supportive community around us. I've struggled with no longer having that dysfunctional army network around me, but that's another blog in itself. After hundreds of discussions with anyone and everyone it came down to my parents not wanting to start over in ohio at such an old age. So it was determined for now we stay here, now with all that in mind Trenton only had 4 houses on the market. The Victorian was D U N with that we looked at the other 3.
The "pool" house with the pool was remodeled but done by a moron. Being small and absolutely not making any sense with the layout we crossed it off that list. Next we headed to the "corner" house which has been on the market for yearsssss, and we know why. Lol everything is very dated and dirty worn out with a decent price tag. Once again we crosse that 90s blue green nightmare off. All that was left was what everyone calls the "red roof inn" bet ya can't guess anything special about the house.
The "red roof inn" is just two houses down from my parents home, which being a good or bad thinks still up for debate. With no other options we did a walk threw, which the home was actually pretty decent. It had newer appliances, fixtures, with nice large tile threw out. It was bigger than our current home by about 500sq ft but didn't have the 4th bedroom or separate family room that was a MUST on our list.
After a week of late night conversations jeremy and I decided we could make the red roof work, hell it was that or we were homeless. Sooo with our great options we put an offer on the house......
I think this is plenty of house talk for one post. Lol it gets much better, we'll not for us but I guess for others it can be quite entertaining. Till the next time I lock myself outside with headphones.
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, as I felt dazed and confused for that lost of our dream we didn't have time to dwell on it. We HAD to move in a matter of weeks, remember the blessing of selling our home in 48hrs it was now coming back to bite us in the ass.
The entire point of moving was to be closer to family rather it was to Trenton or ohio we just want to have this amazing supportive community around us. I've struggled with no longer having that dysfunctional army network around me, but that's another blog in itself. After hundreds of discussions with anyone and everyone it came down to my parents not wanting to start over in ohio at such an old age. So it was determined for now we stay here, now with all that in mind Trenton only had 4 houses on the market. The Victorian was D U N with that we looked at the other 3.
The "pool" house with the pool was remodeled but done by a moron. Being small and absolutely not making any sense with the layout we crossed it off that list. Next we headed to the "corner" house which has been on the market for yearsssss, and we know why. Lol everything is very dated and dirty worn out with a decent price tag. Once again we crosse that 90s blue green nightmare off. All that was left was what everyone calls the "red roof inn" bet ya can't guess anything special about the house.
The "red roof inn" is just two houses down from my parents home, which being a good or bad thinks still up for debate. With no other options we did a walk threw, which the home was actually pretty decent. It had newer appliances, fixtures, with nice large tile threw out. It was bigger than our current home by about 500sq ft but didn't have the 4th bedroom or separate family room that was a MUST on our list.
After a week of late night conversations jeremy and I decided we could make the red roof work, hell it was that or we were homeless. Sooo with our great options we put an offer on the house......
I think this is plenty of house talk for one post. Lol it gets much better, we'll not for us but I guess for others it can be quite entertaining. Till the next time I lock myself outside with headphones.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Being....
So life seems have to gotten away from me again. I'm always talking with my friends who blog that "I soooo need to get back into it" but its just a passing thought that seems to come around in the dead of the night. However, tonight i've wondered to my page in my mindless internet wondering and decided better late than never.
Ever felt like there are too many things going on in life and you don't have enough hours in the day to A) figure out what is best B)figure out how i emotionally feel about it C)not lose you mind from the stress. Yep that's been me lately. I can't seem to make up my mind about anything lately, to have another child, to move our family to Ohio, to give someone a piece of my mind or bite my tongue. I swear if I didn't die my hair so much I would find a bunch of grey hair. lol
SO over the next few days, weeks, years....... I have to figure this all out.
Ever felt like there are too many things going on in life and you don't have enough hours in the day to A) figure out what is best B)figure out how i emotionally feel about it C)not lose you mind from the stress. Yep that's been me lately. I can't seem to make up my mind about anything lately, to have another child, to move our family to Ohio, to give someone a piece of my mind or bite my tongue. I swear if I didn't die my hair so much I would find a bunch of grey hair. lol
SO over the next few days, weeks, years....... I have to figure this all out.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Hello I'm Brittni and I'm a bad blogger
Wow its crazy how fast life can pass you by. Its crazy to think that this time last year we were just finding out that we were successful at conceiving our second child. Its been a whorl wind of a life since then! Never in a million years would I have thought our pregnancy would end the way it did.
One day I'll write out my whole experience of my horrendous hospital stay on bed rest followed the worse 8 days in the NICU. But right now I'm just not ready to wright it all down, its still too painful.
On a happier note, my family is more then I could ever asked for. My husband is truly my soulmate, there is a crazy connection between us that we could never ignore. My boys are the reason my heart beats! I like most moms worried I wouldn't be able to love Bentley like I love Zack but I do and we have such a different incredible bond.
Every day I just try my best to be everything to everyone in my life that matters. I hope that this rambling post will inspire me to come back and post one makes sense and has a purpose. lol
One day I'll write out my whole experience of my horrendous hospital stay on bed rest followed the worse 8 days in the NICU. But right now I'm just not ready to wright it all down, its still too painful.
On a happier note, my family is more then I could ever asked for. My husband is truly my soulmate, there is a crazy connection between us that we could never ignore. My boys are the reason my heart beats! I like most moms worried I wouldn't be able to love Bentley like I love Zack but I do and we have such a different incredible bond.
Every day I just try my best to be everything to everyone in my life that matters. I hope that this rambling post will inspire me to come back and post one makes sense and has a purpose. lol
Monday, May 23, 2011
Double edge sword hurts no matter what
Sooo life has been magical and yet at the same time just as painful. We have been stressed to the MAX for the past few weeks waiting on the news if Jeremy would be deploying June 6 or not. He has medical issues that really needs to be fixed and are waaay more important than him deploying for the 4th freaking time. If the army would let him be home for longer than 5 months at a time maybe they wouldn't have got this bad.
Well about week and half ago we got the best new(or so we thought) that Jeremy was indeed unfit to deploy for at least the next 90 days! I was super happy & excited but knew that with all our friends getting ready to leave that I need to be EXTRA sensitive to every ones feelings right now. I didn't go brag on FB or tell anyone unless they personally asked me what the verdict was.
To our surprise people now HATE us!!! Like seriously HATE our guts, it crazy! I would have never thought in a million years that we would lose every last friend we had.
Now that Jeremy is not leaving he's been on flight duty for everyone deploying, he comes come feeling TOTALLY heartbroken & shamefull. He & I both feel very guilty for not going and he says its SOO hard to see the shear terror in the kids face as they say good-bye to a parent or the pain in the couples eyes as they get that one last kiss in.
I feel like I've been giving this unspoken ultimatum I either A) get to keep my family together or B) get to have friends. Of course I'm going to choose my family over anything in this world but is it too much to ask for to have a friend.
I totally had a private melt down last night because its become painful clear that I have NO FRIENDS!!!! Or a hobby or even an interest outside my family. Don't get me wrong I find 99.9% of my joy in life from my family but once a month or so it would be nice to do something that I like that make me happy. HELL I can't even find anyone to go with me to a Britney Spears concert!
I sure me being pregnant is NOT helping lol Oh and don't even get me started how NO one besides me & Jeremy are happy or excited about little Bentley. I just feel like my family was excited for zack since he was the first grand baby but this one is another boy so how could he be special. It breaks my heart a million times over to think he's not going to get the love or attention like Zack. Jeremy's family LOTHS me with a passion that is pretty impresive lol His own brother didn't even come to our baby shower till is was over. He didn't say hello to us or bring a gift NOTHING just a pissed off attiuded and took our cupcakes lol PEOPLE SHOCK ME!!!!
Idk I'm thinking we're going to have to do some reevaluating of our life & who we have in it. I have a feeling we're going to pull in as a family & put our wall back up. I just have that feeling we need to just be a family & have no outsiders around. Its a VERY special time for us we're going to bring a new life into this world & we need to be ready for that.
Well about week and half ago we got the best new(or so we thought) that Jeremy was indeed unfit to deploy for at least the next 90 days! I was super happy & excited but knew that with all our friends getting ready to leave that I need to be EXTRA sensitive to every ones feelings right now. I didn't go brag on FB or tell anyone unless they personally asked me what the verdict was.
To our surprise people now HATE us!!! Like seriously HATE our guts, it crazy! I would have never thought in a million years that we would lose every last friend we had.
Now that Jeremy is not leaving he's been on flight duty for everyone deploying, he comes come feeling TOTALLY heartbroken & shamefull. He & I both feel very guilty for not going and he says its SOO hard to see the shear terror in the kids face as they say good-bye to a parent or the pain in the couples eyes as they get that one last kiss in.
I feel like I've been giving this unspoken ultimatum I either A) get to keep my family together or B) get to have friends. Of course I'm going to choose my family over anything in this world but is it too much to ask for to have a friend.
I totally had a private melt down last night because its become painful clear that I have NO FRIENDS!!!! Or a hobby or even an interest outside my family. Don't get me wrong I find 99.9% of my joy in life from my family but once a month or so it would be nice to do something that I like that make me happy. HELL I can't even find anyone to go with me to a Britney Spears concert!
I sure me being pregnant is NOT helping lol Oh and don't even get me started how NO one besides me & Jeremy are happy or excited about little Bentley. I just feel like my family was excited for zack since he was the first grand baby but this one is another boy so how could he be special. It breaks my heart a million times over to think he's not going to get the love or attention like Zack. Jeremy's family LOTHS me with a passion that is pretty impresive lol His own brother didn't even come to our baby shower till is was over. He didn't say hello to us or bring a gift NOTHING just a pissed off attiuded and took our cupcakes lol PEOPLE SHOCK ME!!!!
Idk I'm thinking we're going to have to do some reevaluating of our life & who we have in it. I have a feeling we're going to pull in as a family & put our wall back up. I just have that feeling we need to just be a family & have no outsiders around. Its a VERY special time for us we're going to bring a new life into this world & we need to be ready for that.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Been gone far too long!
Well since my last blog our lives have forever changed. We did indeed get pregnant after our first cycle of shots ,which is such a blessing!. We find out in just 4 short days what the sex of the baby will be, I started crying yesterday because I just know its a girl. This emotional response very different and new, with Zackary I was very happy to be pregnant but not one to cry over every little thing.
So far the only thing to make me cry this pregnancy is the thought of this baby actually being a girl, I just have this feeling that it is and I can't wait to find out! Lets see what else, um I've gained almost ten pounds already. LOL I not eating any different but the food seems to just be sticking to me, oh well I'm gonna keep walking & my new pregnancy palates dvd should be here soon.
Okay now what really been on my mind lately, for one I'm not really sure who reads this blog. After going to a wedding last weekend and EVERYONE we talked to commented about how they stalk me on facebook since I'm always, I'm not really sure if I like that. These people truly know nothing about me and could care less to really get to know me. They go off what other people tell them and the few little things I put on the Internet? To me this is just crazy! SO once again I feel like I can't really say what I want because a million different people read it & will take it a million and one different ways.
But screw it I really need some place to write what I want, have people who want to read it & not freak out and call people saying OMG did you read what Brittni posted. Trust me its not like I'm not faltered that little ol' me can cause such a ruckus over a stupid little posting that says NOTHING about any one person lol
One thing that Im so tired of hearing that I could just scream at is being told I'm a fun sucker or a stick in the mud, I will NOT stand for it any longer! Oh and this one is a BIGGIE and once again you will now be screamed at for, when we all hang out together & you want to be rudely quite or unpleasant but when you hang out with JUST my husband & I'm not around for what ever reason. You then want to be the life of the party & the funnest nicest persons around, well this is just so incredibly fake I have no need for you in my life! I have no control over fake family I have to find a way to make it work(this is going to be a life project lol) but for just friends well BYE BYE!!!! Finally you dumb people, don't post pic from the night on FACEBOOK from the restaurant when you know I'm bored at home DUH I'm gonna see it
Oh and I find it VERY funny that its ONLY pics of my husband, none of you, your husband, or the three of you, its JUST him! UM JEALOUS MUCH????? Sorry my husband actually loves me and WANTS to have children with me.lol
LOL I sound like the one who's jealous. I'm really nott but I does bother me that people are rude around me but nice to him. AND before you think it, I'm not being mean, Jeremy evens says "I have no clue why they act like that, you've never been anything but be nice to them"
Okay let me stop I'm starting to sound like a mean girl lol
So far the only thing to make me cry this pregnancy is the thought of this baby actually being a girl, I just have this feeling that it is and I can't wait to find out! Lets see what else, um I've gained almost ten pounds already. LOL I not eating any different but the food seems to just be sticking to me, oh well I'm gonna keep walking & my new pregnancy palates dvd should be here soon.
Okay now what really been on my mind lately, for one I'm not really sure who reads this blog. After going to a wedding last weekend and EVERYONE we talked to commented about how they stalk me on facebook since I'm always, I'm not really sure if I like that. These people truly know nothing about me and could care less to really get to know me. They go off what other people tell them and the few little things I put on the Internet? To me this is just crazy! SO once again I feel like I can't really say what I want because a million different people read it & will take it a million and one different ways.
But screw it I really need some place to write what I want, have people who want to read it & not freak out and call people saying OMG did you read what Brittni posted. Trust me its not like I'm not faltered that little ol' me can cause such a ruckus over a stupid little posting that says NOTHING about any one person lol
One thing that Im so tired of hearing that I could just scream at is being told I'm a fun sucker or a stick in the mud, I will NOT stand for it any longer! Oh and this one is a BIGGIE and once again you will now be screamed at for, when we all hang out together & you want to be rudely quite or unpleasant but when you hang out with JUST my husband & I'm not around for what ever reason. You then want to be the life of the party & the funnest nicest persons around, well this is just so incredibly fake I have no need for you in my life! I have no control over fake family I have to find a way to make it work(this is going to be a life project lol) but for just friends well BYE BYE!!!! Finally you dumb people, don't post pic from the night on FACEBOOK from the restaurant when you know I'm bored at home DUH I'm gonna see it
Oh and I find it VERY funny that its ONLY pics of my husband, none of you, your husband, or the three of you, its JUST him! UM JEALOUS MUCH????? Sorry my husband actually loves me and WANTS to have children with me.lol
LOL I sound like the one who's jealous. I'm really nott but I does bother me that people are rude around me but nice to him. AND before you think it, I'm not being mean, Jeremy evens says "I have no clue why they act like that, you've never been anything but be nice to them"
Okay let me stop I'm starting to sound like a mean girl lol
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