Sooo life has been magical and yet at the same time just as painful. We have been stressed to the MAX for the past few weeks waiting on the news if Jeremy would be deploying June 6 or not. He has medical issues that really needs to be fixed and are waaay more important than him deploying for the 4th freaking time. If the army would let him be home for longer than 5 months at a time maybe they wouldn't have got this bad.
Well about week and half ago we got the best new(or so we thought) that Jeremy was indeed unfit to deploy for at least the next 90 days! I was super happy & excited but knew that with all our friends getting ready to leave that I need to be EXTRA sensitive to every ones feelings right now. I didn't go brag on FB or tell anyone unless they personally asked me what the verdict was.
To our surprise people now HATE us!!! Like seriously HATE our guts, it crazy! I would have never thought in a million years that we would lose every last friend we had.
Now that Jeremy is not leaving he's been on flight duty for everyone deploying, he comes come feeling TOTALLY heartbroken & shamefull. He & I both feel very guilty for not going and he says its SOO hard to see the shear terror in the kids face as they say good-bye to a parent or the pain in the couples eyes as they get that one last kiss in.
I feel like I've been giving this unspoken ultimatum I either A) get to keep my family together or B) get to have friends. Of course I'm going to choose my family over anything in this world but is it too much to ask for to have a friend.
I totally had a private melt down last night because its become painful clear that I have NO FRIENDS!!!! Or a hobby or even an interest outside my family. Don't get me wrong I find 99.9% of my joy in life from my family but once a month or so it would be nice to do something that I like that make me happy. HELL I can't even find anyone to go with me to a Britney Spears concert!
I sure me being pregnant is NOT helping lol Oh and don't even get me started how NO one besides me & Jeremy are happy or excited about little Bentley. I just feel like my family was excited for zack since he was the first grand baby but this one is another boy so how could he be special. It breaks my heart a million times over to think he's not going to get the love or attention like Zack. Jeremy's family LOTHS me with a passion that is pretty impresive lol His own brother didn't even come to our baby shower till is was over. He didn't say hello to us or bring a gift NOTHING just a pissed off attiuded and took our cupcakes lol PEOPLE SHOCK ME!!!!
Idk I'm thinking we're going to have to do some reevaluating of our life & who we have in it. I have a feeling we're going to pull in as a family & put our wall back up. I just have that feeling we need to just be a family & have no outsiders around. Its a VERY special time for us we're going to bring a new life into this world & we need to be ready for that.
